I like to send written thank-you messages to co-workers and even to vendor partners who have become like trusted advisors. I do it when I am grateful for their help or their exceptional performance in support of a common project goal. I do it because I know I appreciate it when others do it for me.

Sometimes I include their managers on the email thank-you. Most of the time I send it directly to the recipient and forego copying others. Sometimes a gift is best savored in private and shared later. Thank-you notes follow the same principle.

Recommendations are like thank-you notes, except I add my contact information so I can be contacted to vouch for the reference I gave in writing.

How do I find the balance between overly sentimental and overly analytical? I typically scan old email threads to trigger my memory for specific tasks and actions that showcase why that person was awesome to work with.  

In the past, when I used to have regular face-to-face contact with colleagues, it was easy to extend and accept non-verbal thank-yous after a job done well together. I'm talking about the cup of coffee latte one could buy for the other at the coffee shop around the corner. That's when we'd laugh about the foibles and challenges we overcame. Sometimes it was a way of saying also, yes, maybe we had our professional differences on particular points, but when all is said and done, we're signaling that we'll still work together on the next project.
 
A couple years ago, after I'd been working remotely for a while on various projects with “virtual” teams, I tried recreating that coffee thank-you gesture by sending Starbucks coffee cards to a few individuals. But the gesture flopped. It was awkward. I had to get their mailing address and then of course their permission, before popping it to them in the mail. One individual even insistently refused to accept the card. Obviously the gesture was not welcomed and I had to respect that. So I stopped sending the few Starbucks cards I had left. Eventually I gave the rest to my wife who got to enjoy them while doing her shopping errands.
 
Okay, I know it was not a cost issue since it certainly is below the threshold of anything that would require a favor in return. And these weren't customers in the employ of someone else. So I can't quite put my finger on why the gesture doesn't work remotely at all. Is it because the person giving needs to be present for the gesture to have meaning?
 
Anybody know why? Anybody have an alternative gesture for when a project is already completed?
 
As for me, I'll take a double-shot Cappuccino any-day, for any reason.